I am an optimist. Consider this entire piece under that light.

You may have reasons aplenty to feel down right now. You may think the end of the world is nigh; that the universe is a forsaken experiment gone wry; that we are fungus on a planet that is weak in its formation, made exemplary only in our vision, dwarfed by many greater, more substantive planets. How can I not consider the potential of the individual?

A single multi-cellular organism absolutely shattered decades, possibly centuries, worth of precedent by weaponizing that very precedent. It is a nuclear catastrophe. However, as the formulaic screenplay of a hypothetical Fifty Shades of Nuclear Catastrope may collapse from vulgar violence to an elated, celebratory, and happy ending, we might as well suck it up and feel good about it out of respect of the producers of The Secret (and hopefully, an additional debt of gratitude to the late and virtuous, Benjamin Franklin).

Let’s, because I feel inclined to include as many of us as possible in this perspective due to the reasoning that we are, in fact, human beings sharing sentience as a common factor amongst the majority of us; Let us consider the most prominent pro of this situation: (cons can be left up to Tomi Lahren, Wolf Blitzer, and Don Lemon to dissect and present) the deliberate and determined adoption of the catch-phrase, “You’re Fired!”

This phrase makes me want to ejaculate pure joy. I’m sorry for the crudity but it is as honest an expression as I can provide. This baby-handed doll boy, this loose bag of odorous trash tempting you to throw it away; this wet patch of herpes crawling across the broken wall of a truck stop stall; this lubed asshole since birth might just be what we need to prove a point right now.

Considering that “You’re Fired” is his favorite catch phrase, so favorite (in an attempt to put it in his terms) that he might as well have hired all these crazies to do just that.

What if over the next 4 years (I won’t dare say 8) he just keeps firing away?

Woah now! Don’t go pressing the back key to see what else is going on because this logic is bullshit. Think about it. What if he starts from the alt-right/ku klux klan members and works his way across the spectrum? He wants to add taco bowls to the White House Easter menu and one of his advisors opposes him: BAM, lights out; moving on to the one just liberal enough to allow taco bowls.

To those missing the nuance in the analogy: try finding a midwestern, evangelical Easter gathering and ask them to forcefully add taco bowls to their catering menu. I predict that three months into his presidency, Conservative Steve-O, will be fired along with some social media action taken against the interests of Paul Ryan, Mitch McConnell, and, obviously, Rosie O’Donnell.

Hopefully, the democrats are able to create young guerrilla warriors capable of doing the impossible: binge-watching his boring Apprentice show and distilling every possible strategy so as to know who to put up for the next ritual sacrifice.

If I was handed a few million dollars to build my life with, I may not know what to do with it myself but I would sure know how to deal with the people I would hire to manage it: I would fire them if they messed up. Eventually, I would become more refined and raise the standard for being fired rather than go back to step one and figure out how to get started all on my own.



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